Were You Paying Attention?
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Were You Paying Attention?


IT’S PRETTY SIMPLE. I’M GOING TO QUIZ MEMBERS OF OUR
STUDIO AUDIENCE ABOUT THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED SO FAR IN
THIS SHOW. IF THEY ANSWER RIGHT, THEY GET A
PRIZE. IF THEY ANSWER WRONG, THEY HAVE
TO FORFEIT THEIR SEAT TO ONE OF THE MORE DESERVING AUDIENCE
MEMBERS, WAITING JUST OUTSIDE IN OUR LATE LATE SHOW BULLPEN. THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO CAME ALL
THE WAY TO OUR STUDIO FOR THE TAPING, BUT UNFORTUNATELY GOT TO
THE LINE TOO LATE, AND WERE TURNED AWAY. WILL THEY GET TO SEE TODAY’S
SHOW AFTER ALL? WE’LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH. NOW, WHO WANTS TO PLAY? SHOW ME YOUR HANDS. WHO WOULD LIKE TO PLAY? WHO THINKS THEY HAVE BEEN PAYING
ATTENTION? ANYBODY AT ALL? HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? ALL RIGHT, COME ON UP! COME, COME, COME. COME HERE, SIR. HOW ARE YOU?>>GOOD. WHAT’S YOUR NAME AND WHERE ARE
YOU FROM?>>AMSTERDAM.>>James: WHAT’S YOUR NAME? DOMINIC.>>James: THIS IS A WONDERFUL
OUTFIT.>>THANK YOU.>>James: IS THIS VELOUR? YEAH.>>James: WHY NOT? NOW, DO YOU THINK YOU’RE SOMEONE
WHO’S BEEN PAYING ATTENTION DURING THE SHOW?>>YEAH, I THINK I DID.>>James: OKAY. THAT’S GOOD. WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN SYSTEM
GOING TO ASK YOU A QUESTION. IF YOU GET IT RIGHT, YOU WIN A
PRIZE. IF YOU GET IT WRONG, YOU WILL BE
BANISHED FROM THE STUDIO FOR ALL TIME.>>FOR ALL TIME?>>James: FOR ALL TIME. OKAY. ( LAUGHTER )
>>James: I MEAN, THAT’S A SURE FIRE WAY TO GET BANISHED
THERE. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS IS JUST — I MEAN — ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, HERE’S THE QUESTION. DURING THE GUEST CHECK-IN WITH
WILL FORTE, HE WAS HOLDING WHAT ITEM?>>OMIGOD, I’M GOING TO BE
BANNED FOREVER. ( LAUGHTER )
A MICROPHONE — NO, A CELL PHONE.>>James: HE WAS HOLDING A
MICROPHONE OR A CELL PHONE. I’LL LET YOU HAVE BOTH. LET’S HAVE A LOOK AND SEE IF
YOU’RE RIGHT. WHAT’S THAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR
HAND THERE?>>IT’S A TELEVISION REMOTE
CONTROL.>>James: OH! IT’S A TELEVISION REMOTE
CONTROL! YOU WEREN’T EVEN CLOSE! YOU CLEARLY WEREN’T PAYING
ATTENTION AND NOW ALL THE ATTENTION WILL BE PLACED ON YOU
BECAUSE TO BID US FAIR WELL I’M GOING TO HAVE YOU SING “ALL BY
MYSELF” ON YOUR WAY OUT. TAKE THE MICROPHONE. CASEY. LIGHTS, MUSIC, PLEASE. SING, PLEASE! ♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪
♪ DON’T WANNA BE ALL BY MYSELF ANYMORE ♪
♪ ALL BY MYSELF ♪ ♪ DON’T WANNA BE — ♪
♪ .>>James: I KNOW WHAT WOULD
BRING THE MOOD BACK UP! LET’S BRING IN A STANDBY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) WELCOME! OKAY! WHO ELSE FEELS THEY HAVE BEEN
PAYING ATTENTION IN THE SHOW TONIGHT? WHO FEELS THEY HAVE BEEN PAYING
ATTENTION? YOU? COME ON OUT. HOW ARE YOU?>>GOOD.>>James: WHO ARE YOU AND
WHERE ARE YOU FROM.>>EILEEN FROM UTAH.>>James: WHAT DO YOU DO. STUDENT.>>James: SPRING BREAK? YEAH.>>James: ARE YOU HAVING A
GOOD SPRING BREAK SO FAR?>>YES, I’M HAVING A GREAT
SPRING BREAK. WHAT IS THE HIGH LIGHT? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO
DOING ON THIS SPRING BREAK?>>COMING TO THE SHOW,
OBVIOUSLY.>>James: IS THIS THE HIGH
LIGHT?>>YES! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>James: WELL, THAT IS JUST BEAUTIFUL! REALLY, THAT’S IT?>>YEAH. WELL, MY BEST FRIEND ALSO LIVES
HERE.>>James: SO YOU LIVE HERE, SO
YOU’RE VISITING –>>YES.>>James: WERE YOU NOT JUST
GOING TO DRINK AND –>>OH, YEAH, EXACTLY.>>James: OKAY, NOW. SO YOU’VE COME ALL THE WAY HERE,
THIS IS THE HIGH LIGHT OF SPRING BREAK AND YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO
RISK YOUR SEAT IN THE AUDIENCE.>>THIS IS NERVE RACKING, YES.>>James: FOR THIS QUESTION,
I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU A SETUP TO A JOKE FROM OUR MONOLOGUE. I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT THE
PUNCH LINE WAS, OKAY? THIS IS A JOKE I TOLD HERE IN
THIS STUDIO NOT MORE THAN TEN MINUTES AGO.>>UH-HUH.>>James: HERE IS THE SETUP. MEANWHILE, TRUMP’S SON DONALD,
JR. IS MAKING HEADLINES AFTER IT WAS REPORTED HE HAD AN AFFAIR
WITH SINGER AUBREY O’DAY WHO WAS A CONTESTANT ON HIS FATHER’S
SHOW THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE. THAT WAS THE SETUP. WHAT’S THE PUNCH LINE.>>THE PUNCH LINE IS SHE WAS
USING THIS COMING OUT BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE BACK IN THE
LIMELIGHT. SHE WANTED BACK TO BEING FAMOUS.>>James: SORRY, YOU THOUGHT
THAT WAS THE PUNCH LINE?>>OKAY.>>James:
(KNOCKING) WHO’S THERE? I DON’T KNOW, SOMEBODY WHO’S
JUST LIKE A GUY? WEARING A PAIR OF SHOES AND,
UH — YEAH. ( LAUGHTER )
>>SO CELEBRITY APPRENTICE, MY BRAIN IS A LITTLE SLOW.>>James: YOU’RE DOING GREAT. THAT SHE — WELL, THAT SHE
CAME OUT WITH THIS AFFAIR BECAUSE SHE WANTED THE FAME THAT
SHE HAD FROM THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE. THAT WAS THE POINT, RIGHT?>>James: LET’S HAVE A LOOK
AND SEE IF YOU’RE RIGHT. TURNS OUT ON “THE APPRENTICE”
THERE WAS SOMETHING EVEN WORSE THAN GETTING FIRED. OH! YOU CLEARLY WERE NOT PAYING
ATTENTION! NOW ALL THE ATTENTION WILL BE
PLACED ON YOU. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE SING AGO
SONG. I’M KIDDING. SENDING YOU OUT EXACT THE SAME
WAY. LIGHTS, CASEY. ♪ ALL BY MYSELF. ♪ DON’T WANNA BE ALL BY MYSELF
ANYMORE. ♪ ALL BY MYSELF —
( APPLAUSE )>>James: I FELT BAD ABOUT
THAT ONE, DIDN’T YOU? I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT! LET’S BRING IN A STANDBY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>James: OKAY. WHO HERE THINKS THAT THEY WERE
PAYING ATTENTION? WOW, HANG ON. THIS GUY PUT HIS HAND UP VERY
CON PHI DENTALLY. YOU CHOOSE FOR HALF THE ROW, ASS
OR CROTCH?>>ASS.>>James: YOU DIDN’T EVEN TAKE
A SECOND TO THINK! HEY, THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED. DRINK IT IN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HOW ARE YOU?>>GOOD.>>James: WHAT’S YOUR NAME,
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?>>RUBEN FROM LOS ANGELES.>>James: I CAN TELL FROM THIS
GORGEOUS GLOW. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? YOU STRIKE ME AS A MAN DRENCHED
IN SUCCESS.>>THANK YOU. I SELL REAL ESTATE.>>James: ARE YOU GOOD AT IT? VERY GOOD.>>James: ARE YOU? WE SHOULD HAVE A CHAT.>>James: I’M NOT BUYING A
HOUSE WITH HIM, BUT YOU’RE CLEARLY VERY, VERY GOOD. RUBEN, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’VE PAID
ATTENTION DURING THE SHOW?>>COMPLETELY.>>James: COMPLETELY? WOW. I TOLD YOU, CONFIDENCE. NOW, RUBEN, IN THE BEGINNING OF
THIS GAME, I ASKED THE FIRST CONTESTANT ABOUT THE ITEM IN
WILL FORTE’S HAND. WHAT WAS THAT CONTESTANT’S NAME
AND WHERE WERE THEY FROM?>>OH, GOD!>>James: JUST TO BE CLEAR,
RUBEN WAS VERY, VERY SPECIFIC ABOUT HOW MUCH HE’D BEEN PAYING
ATTENTION. DO NOT HELP HIM. ( LAUGHTER )
>>NOBODY WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO HER. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY
BUT WE WERE FOCUSED FORWARD.>>James: FIRST OF ALL, IT WAS
A GUY. THIS ISN’T LOOKING TOO GOOD FOR
THE OLD RUBEN REAL ESTATE WORLD NOW.>>TIME OUT.>>James: NO IDEA? YOU KNOW THE ANSWER? OKAY. NOW, IF HE ANSWERS CORRECTLY —
ARE YOU TOGETHER?>>YES.>>James: IF HE ANSWERS
CORRECTLY, YOU WILL STILL HAVE TO LEAVE BUT I WILL GIVE YOU THE
GIFT.>>DOMINIC FROM AMSTERDAM.>>James: LET’S HAVE A LOOK
AND SEE IF HE’S RIGHT.>>I’M FROM AMSTERDAM.>>James: AND WHAT’S YOUR
NAME?>>DOMINIC.>>James: HE GOT IT
COMPLETELY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU, RUBEN, GET OUT OF HERE! YOU WEREN’T PAYING ATTENTION! CASEY, LIGHTS! GIVE US THE MUSIC! THERE YOU GO! ♪ ALL BY MYSELF. ♪ DON’T WANNA BE. ♪ ALL BY MYSELF ANYMORE ♪
♪ ALL BY MYSELF — BRING IN THE STANDBY! BACK AFTER THIS BREAK!

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