The Website is Down #1: Sales Guy vs. Web Dude
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The Website is Down #1: Sales Guy vs. Web Dude


Come on you little bitches, let’s go. That’s right, oh, snap… Oh, not now.
Oh you so suck… Oh come on, oh… Fuck! Hello?
Web dude this is Chip at sales, what’s up man? Nothing, I’m working. What’s umm, what’s going on? Hey, you uh, you here in building 3? Yeah, I’m in building three.
Well why do I have to call an outside number to get to your desk? Look, I don’t want to get into an IP telephony
conversation with you right now… You pee telephony? Ha, I pee urine.
That’s a… That’s a good one. All right, so look dude, we’ve got problems.
The website’s down. I’m sorry, what?
The website is down. Blackhole, I can’t get to the thing. Fuck!
Yeah… Hold on… Well it looks like it’s up to me. Well… I rebooted my PC and it’s still that
way. How many times did you reboot?
Three man, you always tell me to do three. Well, umm, all right. It’s up, I mean I can
check to see if Apache is running. Apache is running.
I don’t know what this Apache is but uh… Either way, I’m still not able to get what I need.
– Oh, I can telnet to the port, you can get HTML, like it’s running. OK well, I’m, I’m still not able to get what
I’m looking for. Uh, Nancy said that you, you guys rebooted it last time. Do you want me to reboot the web server even though it’s running? I’m just saying that’s what Nancy said you guys did last time. OK? Well, I, I can reboot it now. It doesn’t make any sense to reboot something
that’s running. Ok, well, I’m just I’m saying what Nancy said, that you guys, you know, you guys rebooted it last time. Umm… You know I’m not, you know, I’m not saying
anything about you guys. I mean I don’t know. Sure, why not, let’s reboot it… I mean…
I mean it’s always fun to reboot a web server. I mean that’ll take fifteen minutes, so, you
know, I can get back to some other work I was doing. Uh, wait, something just happened.
Uh, I can’t get to the home page. What do you mean you can’t get to the home page? I just took it down. I just tried to get to the home page and I can’t get to it.
You could get to the home page before? Yeah, I was getting to the home page and now I can’t get to the home page. You told me the website was down. Ah, Fuck. So the website wasn’t down.
Uh, well, well maybe that’s not what I meant, Ok? The website’s down now. Whatever it’s called, the world wide web, the…
The Internet? The Internet?
It’s slow, everything is so slow. You don’t know the difference between the
Internet and our website? Nancy is your, is your web working?
I told you it wasn’t. I know, I know, I know. He rebooted the website.
What?! – He rebooted it. – Why?! Hello?
Uh, yeah this is Trevor. I work for the city of Arvada, population
ten thousand, and I was looking at our website
www.arvada.orgarvada-harvest-festival And I… I get this error message, page cannot
be displayed. Well, it’s because the website’s down.
Huh…? Oh my God.
Look, the sales guys upstairs took down the website …so we’re waiting for it to come back up.
And then I tried… I tried arvada-harvest-festivalpumpkin-patch
and that wasn’t on there, and I tried harvest-festivalbean-bag-race
and nothing’s coming up and I LITERALLY have the mayor breathing down
my neck right now so we need to get this back up uh…
Look, it should be back up by now, honestly. It’s called online, we gotta get this page online. Uh, uh all right Trevor, well, let me, you know, can I call you back when it’s up? You know what, call me back at this number.
Literally have the mayor breathing down my
neck, arvada-pumpkin-patch.org. OK. Check. All right, I’ll see you later. OK. It’s down because he rebooted it.
What an idiot. Why do you… Um, so what, say that again? Listen, uh, what was your name again, Chip?
Chip. I didn’t ask for him to do that.
Can you hold on for a second? Hello? Did you take down the website?
No! Well Nancy said you did. Oh, I mean yeah. Why the hell did you do that?
Well the sales guys… Well, didn’t you get my email about not taking
down the web server? Um, nn, no.
Well, I sent it to you. Well…
Hold on… ‘Cause I don’t see it. Well, uh… This is weird, I don’t see it here. OK, well maybe I didn’t send it to you.
Uh, yeah, ’cause seriously, you know, I didn’t get it Well, the email said “don’t take it down” because it won’t come back up without being powered off. Oh, crap.
Yeah, thanks a lot. Uh, I’m sorry. Fuck me, look… Chip? – Yeah. – Look… Ok, the website’s not coming up now because
you made me take it down in the wrong way. Uhh, OK?
I’m gonna have to get Laszlo to power it off. Can you hold on a minute?
All right. Fuckin’ Lazlo, come on. Hello Derrick you fucking idiot. What rack is the system in? – I’m sorry, what? What rack is the system in?
It’s in rack 5. Yeah he told me that you took down the system.
Yes, it was an accident. What did he tell me?
Just reboot it. You need the system rebooted?
Yes. Which one is it?
It’s gray, it’s on the, it’s like third down. The one, the, the, they’re all gray.
I know, it’s third down, you can see the gray on the bottom. You need which, it’s from the top or the bottom? From the top.
You tell me. It’s, Jesus…
You tell me. It’s gray…
I, I can’t hear anything. I know, shut up! It’s gray on the bottom.
From the bottom? It’s gray on the bottom.
It’s not on the bottom of the rack! On the top?
Yes! Oh.
You just powered off the Exchange server. I’ll do the top one now.
Oh my fucking God… OK, yeah I did both of them, so you should
be good. Oh!
Uh, later. Thanks a lot! Uh, I don’t know, I guess he didn’t take it down right. Chip.
Hey. Well you managed to take the email system down as well. Really? The email server? Well it doesn’t have anything to do with the
web serv… …he just shut off all our email.
That’s what he tried to do last time. Uh, OK.
Lazlo at the data center rebooted it when he was trying to fix the web server
that you asked me to take down, so… How many times?
How many times, what? How many times did he reboot it?
Once. Well I think you need to try a few more times.
Web dude, We’re having a quarterly sales call in 2 minutes. I need to get on the web site, or the Internet, or whatever. That’s why I called you in the first place. What’s your asset tag, Chip? Uh, the asset tag is 287JPC and the number 2. Is that P as in Paul?
That’s P as in Paul. Ok. Where do you get this, duh wuuw. Is this your desktop? Is the mouse moving? Hello! My mouse just moved!
OK, yeah.. Do that again. Oh my God you’re moving my
mouse! It’s Remote Desktop. What is your password?
Ah, it just the letter ‘a’. Just the letter ‘a’. All right?
Like apple. Are you looking at my desktop right now? Dude, how many programs do you have running? You, you’re totally overloading your box. That’s probably part of the reason.
Well, I use all these programs. But you know I got a lot of work to do during the day.
OK, can I close this? Woah! Woah! Hey! No-no-no! You want to save it?
No, no, I need to save this! Chip?
This is all my work! Look, you don’t need this stuff open.
I’m… that’s some research that I’m doing.
OK? You don’t, I mean all this needs taking…
You can’t close all my windows! OK? Closing that…
Web dude, web dude, you gotta slow down. Chip? AOL? Don’t use AOL! It’s dial up networking. Well how am I going get to the Internet without AOL? It, it, it’s broadband.
But I got like 4000 hours for free. It’s… We have a corporate OC3, it costs like a thousand dollars a month, so don’t use AOL. Can you carry over my hours? What? What is this? FUK U.
It’s my desktop. Wuh, the icons, they spell FUK U! and there’s a picture of a penis. Patricia did this when I took over her Computer. She wasn’t very happy. Holy crap. How long’s it been like that?
8 or 9 years Oh my God.
You know, I just got so used to it I didn’t want to change it. That’s fuckin’ awesome, hold on. Fuckin’ hell. All right, I’m taking a picture of this, hold on just a sec.
OK, so… I’m going to put this on Boing Boing.
Seriously though, I’ve got a like a meeting
in 5 minutes …so whatever we got to do to get, to get
my PC back up. Uh, This is going right onto Boing Boing.
Uh, What’s Boing Boing? Here’s the thing, this is a problem.
You can’t have people lookin’ at this, Ok. Arrange your icons by name…
Woah! Whoa no no! I can’t find anything! What do you mean? It’s alphabetical.
Oh man, I, I had everything exactly where I knew where it was. I knew that, th, that our website, our website was at the very tip of the penis. And now I don’t know where anything is. Well, umm
My Salesforce.com was on the right testicle. I’m not going to be able to find anything.
I got, got a meeting in 2 minutes and I need… I need the icons back the way they were.
Well I can’t go back. There’s no way to go back. You can’t arrange
them by penis. Oh my God. I’ll tell ya, every time I call
you tech support people, every fucking time, you guys,
you guys do something completely different, you know? You don’t fix the problem that I call about. You know, all I wanted was to get the website back. That’s all, that’s all I needed! Can you restore it? You said took a picture of it. Restore it. Well… Yeah I guess, I mean I could just make that
the background for your desktop. I don’t care what you have to do, whatever
you gotta do to get this thing back. I’ll say it probably won’t, won’t solve the
problem completely but.. Well, with the icons in the same spot, I’ll
be able to get to them. All right, so this is worse. Oh, wait..
I mean it’s just a picture of a desktop. OK, it’s perfect, it’s perfect. Hey, I gotta get into my meeting, so, you
know I, I, this is great. You, you good with it? ’cause…
No, no, this, this is fine, I can find everything. I can find everything, this is fine. All right so, I gotta go to the meeting. Uh…
You know thanks a lot web dude, I’m outta here. OK, bye.
Bye bye. Jesus, what a fuckin’ day.

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