100 Comments

  • Bruce A. Johnson

    At this moment, all I can hear, is his droning tone of voice. That dreary resonance of sonic waves, that makes me want to kill myself.

  • geeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz

    This is meaningful but it's getting out of the trough to start with. If anyone can arrange for me to go to Mars on a no return mission then that might perk me up. Just a thought lol.

  • Brendan Tannam

    I first noticed a bad trait in people when I was in a religion where marriage with unbelievers was frowned upon. The unmarried were looked on as losers, and the 'losers' looked on their fellow unmarried as losers too. They did not treat each other well. As an elderly man, I see the same thing. 'All the lonely people', as the song goes, seem to think very little of each other.

  • John Smith

    if i'm not 'lonely' i'm not growing…it's lonely on the growing edge…correction: i'm most lonely 'among people who 'socialize' with each other but not 'personalize' with each other….i have lived 'alone' for 40 years and never been less lonely…people who are 'dependent' on other humans for their 'well being', are lonely people…people who can joy in their imagination, memories and such they are the winners…in old age , if you have learned to love being alone you'll joy in your ideas, activities, imaginings and , now and then , other 'humanoids'…'ideas are more important than people'….

  • mudslinger888

    I was very social and a multi athletic dynamic type. I got a virus that results in relentless pain and neurological issues that make life miserable. I have so much left to do, buti cannot connect in person without paying a huge price. Not a depressive type yet i now consider what the point is. Yes even best friends and family fall away over years of no contact. It got much worse with my family mostly going Trump which has degraded our country in so many ways with greed dominating.

  • SongSwan

    For those who desire an abundance of interaction and don't have it being alone is tough,for those of us who do not require constant or abundant interaction not so much,apart from being told we and our lives are lacking we do just fine.

  • Base Bass Forte

    i tried to suicide last night by taking pills losta pills…. ive never had any frteinds my parrentrs got divorced… im 27 and i still havvent fiogured out my life… im a failure…. im still ali8ve… i dont know what5 to do… i just got fired at my job dammit.!… now what? ?????

  • Are you 'avin a laugh? Is he 'avin a laugh?

    1:39 The statement that "opposites attract" is an utter misrepresentation of what actually happens when two magnets draw toward each other.

  • Josiah Jones

    Its crazy being depressed and alone as a teenager then seeing adults comment how they feel the same way like wow thats my future

  • R M L

    The majority of people will never understand how painful being truly alone is, imagine for 8 years of your life all the social situations you have been in all the people through people you met all the friends and memories you created, some of the best times in your life, then just erase that, all gone and replace it with sitting alone in your room everyday after work or school or college being confused as to why

  • Nania Transformation coach

    Just lost my long lost childhood love to suicide due to depression and isolation. this is so very true. Thank you for speaking this. IT IS SO VITALLY IMPORTANT to have a real life trusted person in your life in real time physical space.. I so regret not going to him, calling someone when I felt him disconnect to that dark & lonely place. I will never get over this.

  • mj

    Dude loneliness is like cancer man. It can seriously mess you up. I have been through some long periods of excruciating, mind-numbing loneliness and it seriously has aftereffects and messes up your personality. Try not to feel lonely too often.

  • Jay Macabre

    Ive been severely neglected my whole life and wasnt aloud to have friends and if i talked to kids at school i was bullied and keep not being trust worthy,im 18 now,is there a way to reverse this?im still alone and i have no family or friends,i dont know how to make friends,i want to know if its possible to fix this issue

  • Kitebuggy

    I suffer from Loneliness and Depression for 30 Years now. Only very few people can even imagine the bitterness that can develop through this. I very often hear things like : "Leave the house, meet people, you need to socialize … " and so on.
    Well, i can`t anymore. It makes me feel even worse. But i find some comfort when spending time with Dogs.
    And i`m absolutely certain that these Animals can sense when a person feels isolated and lonely.

  • jasper h.

    If you are going to show statistics in the form of bar charts don’t manipulate them. It is not hard to find that the red “shocking” bar is 12 times bigger than the air pollution bar. I am not great at mental math’s but I am quite sure that you divide 45 by 5 you get 9 instead of 12. This is a significant difference especially if the gray bars of alcohol and obesity are of by just a small margin. You lose a lot of credibility if you start to mislead and present things that are just factually wrong. Great job ted for not checking this before letting this guy present this online. To show how I calculated this (and if other people want to check). I took a screenshot of this at full screen in 720p on a screen with a resolution of 1366 by 768, I measured the pixels and divided them through the 5% bar
    5%=51px long=1 (duh) should be: 1
    20%=193 px long= 3.784314 should be:4
    30%=298 px long= 5.843137 should be:6
    45%=616 px long= 12.07843 should be:9
    In conclusion misleading charts should be checked beforehand it is sad that someone can present things as factual whilst misleading people to get them to believe him. And yes loneliness is something we should do something about… but with facts and not lies

  • micaUSA

    Well, thanks for the obvious. Yes I’m alone. I’m going to die sooner. Thanks for confirming. If I had friends or family with me, I wouldn’t be alone.

  • Good luck everyone

    People are rewarded by being fake. To gain money and status, to expand and grow. Building a fake persona to fit into a highly mobile modern world.
    Should you show weakness or sadness, admit failure, you will be cast aside.

  • flower love

    Mr.(?) Cacioppo, I'm so happy that I listened to your video. It was everything I've been looking for, helpful, and so well done!

  • Radagast Brown

    He says lonely people are stigmatized, and then he goes on to stigmatize us more. Being lonely absolutely does not make me less empathetic.

    The rest I am sure is all true.

  • Artemis

    Brilliant! Everything he said was very true. Especially the part where the brain can not feel empathy or be able to walk in someone else's shoes when you are in self preservation mode. Sad but true.

  • daddy sprinkle

    I think the thing most of us introverts need to realize is that no one knows we are lonely but ourselves and maybe our family. So when we go in public, the only person that thinks we are different are ourselves. And we just can’t overcome that and it’s hard

  • Nunayo Bisnez

    What he says about becoming hypervigilant against perceived negative responses from other hits home for me because that's become an issue for me. Have also come to the same conclusion he has about volunteering or becoming a part of something bigger than me and my selfish, small world is key to feeling better. Not a good thing at all to sit and ruminate alone so much.

  • Fulla Disney

    i am a person of values i live for it i die for it i fight the world for it as soon as I don't hurt it is my right to choose to be lonely and honestly I learnt from my loneliness much better than being with others I am inspired by the theories much better than the reality .iam lonely not because of others I respect all of them and I am not seeing any exception on me . I just give importance to humanity much better than I give it to objects . unfortunately I ve met a lot of people giving importance to objects and forgetting about human feelings . they don't how much great they are and we are all . but even being lonely I think about people and I want to good things to them . being lonely is just to increase creativity in my head and my soul

  • Free

    Just order your psyche in solitude. Loneliness is only toxic when the isolated person's direction in life depends on other people. If you know your way you require no social interaction.

  • finnmacool

    I gave up on people a long time ago…..people have disappointed and hurt me too many times.. ..Im actually happy being alone because I have found inner peace.. i don't have to deal with other peoples drama anymore.. also Happiness comes from within .. its not something that can be found outside of yourself

  • Felix Bruyns

    No one can "prove" empirically that there is or is not a God. But if there is, then the only solution to loneliness is not cognitive or social, but religious. If God exists, then no one is alone. Seeking God with sincerity, even if it means following some rules, is the only conceivable way out of loneliness.

  • Ben Clarks

    Loneliness can help people too however, you do not need a social life or anything of the sorts to find your place in this world

  • Ekalabya Mohanty

    Really I am an exception to the study that he stated around the 12-13 minute mark. The more lonelier I get the more empathic I become. But who knows.

  • Political Fashionista

    our survival depends on our collective abilities, not on our individual mind. yet the greatest scientists who brought comfort into our lives were all alone.

  • Political Fashionista

    "feeling isolated from those around you is also part of a biological early warning machinery to alert you to threats and damage to your social body which you also need to survive and prosper. " no, dude. feeling isolated from those around you is just a part of the breeding mechanism.

  • Political Fashionista

    "much of what's triggered by social isolation is non-conscious." and also social isolation is non-conscious. social isolation leads to lack of breeding which in turn leads to the decrease of the population, which in turn is useful for two things.
    1. the earth can't bear so many morons on it, therefore the morons must disappear.
    2. the earth doesn't have so many resources to keep all the high consumers on it, therefore the high consumers must disappear.
    In the past there were wars erasing the morons from the face of the earth, now since a nuclear war would destroy the morons altogether, the self-preservation mechanism of the earth is to decimate the morons through loneliness.
    Nothing to worry about really, since our individual life and society don't worth a penny in the universe.
    Many people perceive their loneliness as being a gift from god, because it really, is in this day and age.

  • antonpetrovichkoch

    There's a lot of people who suffer from loneliness here, but it is difficult to suggest solutions without knowing details. Making friends is a hard one – I was told by a teacher in school that I need to make some friends, so my mum told me I must do it so I did. Those friends aren't my current friends, but since then I learnt new skills and made many real friends.

    The first thing I learned was that if you feel people around you don't like you or don't care, you're probably wrong. You may be suffering from social anxiety, which is entirely natural, especially if you're young. Be more confident – people likely do like you, you might just not see it. If you're really struggling, and you know you have friends but you just don't believe they care, see a doctor.

    What followed was I learned was that you need to be yourself and to have something special about yourself. This often means being different in some way – for me it was being argumentative and loving chocolate to excess. The people who will love you will love you anyway, and you won't waste time on those who don't. Your confidence will attract people. Don't be afraid to lose friends by being yourself.

    But also be aware. This is the second thing I learned. Smile to everyone. Be nice to everyone. Even if they don't respond. Have humane opinions rather than individualistic. Do a self-check- are you being unreasonable or shirty with others? Are you shouting loudly about some political view to people who are not interested? Be there for others and be there when they need you. Here is the thing – being a friend is even more satisfying than having a friend.

    Third thing I learned was – show your vulnerability. Your friends can't help you unless they know you need help. People fall in love with vulnerability, people want to help, and that's how people will learn to care. It doesn't matter if you're male or female – vulnerability is what makes us human. You might have a great personality, but if you don't show vulnerability, people will never know the real you.

    The fourth thing I learned is you need to engineer the practical opportunities for the exchange of conversation and emotions – don't get upset if you're not invited to something – organise something of your own – inviting everyone round for a cup of tea at university did wonders. Organise a film night, a trip to the cinema or the ballet- whatever rocks your boat. Go to the pub, play some board games, organise a picnic, cook some dinner. Don't only ever go clubbing and increase the time in these situations when you can all just talk without being drunk. This is not about offering something, it's about creating time to be friends and showing people you like them. It's not enough to just be nice or funny.

    And finally, sometimes it's not you, it's them. Go somewhere else for a time, see if the people in your home town are different. It's a controversial one, because you will be able to make friends with those already there, but you might also want to meet people more like yourself. I found that at school I felt weird for loving classical music and for enjoying political discussions with my left wing views. But when I came to university, I found all those things were normal and I felt so much more comfortable – I was no longer a geek, but just average. This is more for those who are at school – people change as they grow up, and you have less control over who you spend your time with.

    That's all there is to it. I hope it can help at least a couple of people.

  • new channel

    So would that be a way of determining possible socially threatening people that are a danger to society?

  • apteryx01

    At about 2:00, he said that "Opposites attract" and "Birds of a feather flock together" can't both be true, because "they're internally inconsistent." This does not bode well for the rest of the talk, but I'm going to keep watching. Sometimes people are plain wrong about one thing but right about something they take sincere interest in. It would be nice if he got to his point soon, though.

    At about 14:00, I think he's finally getting to the point. Loneliness makes you feel like you're in danger, which is stressful and favors various bad forms of behavior, which increases chances of illness and death.

    At about 16:00, he brings up what you can do about loneliness. "Take responsibility for your actions toward others." "Respond" to the fact that you're lonely. Promote individual and collective connectedness. Volunteer in a zoo or a TEDx event. Don't wait.

    Sorry, not much here, and it's all delivered in a constant tone of trying too hard to sound urgent and authoritative.

  • David Tysdal

    This is the best one I have seen yet on being disconnected and how it affects you. BUT it isn't easy to get positive human connections in your life. One of my biggest challenges in my life right now. Getting older and my older family is dying off one by one. 🙁

  • NightOwl

    This world, for what ever insane reason has a tendency to outcast intelligent and sensitive people to the loneliest places of the human experience. Leaving them there for what seems to be an eternity until they're kindred spirit cracks and the only hope left inside them is for death to come swiftly and painlessly. I ask myself everyday when I wake up alone in my apartment, why is this the way it is? I still dont know the answer.

  • Anicka Blais

    Loneliness not only shortens one's life by itself but it makes one suicidal….no mention of that I know I've been living in Nelson BC for 10 years now and never been so lonely in my life and since January suicidal ideation more than ever as I did a 6 month training ( Kundalini Yoga) and got no support from my peers ( except one) despite all of them knowing my situation.. Not even one real friend here. Spend my days/weeks/months/years alone without no meaningful relationship in this town…I love my solitude and enjoy myself , but when too much alone time , loneliness kicks in strong and hard and with it suicidal ideation fall on me like a tone of bricks.

  • Cornelius Brewster

    Hey, 918 thousand people watched this, so turns out we're all lonely together!!!!!!
    Am i right? Am I right? 😃

  • Elizabeth K

    By your own words change is always occuring. The way we live has changed…do research on how we can live healthier when living as you put it 'in social isolation.' I love living alone…only miss occasions for intellectual stimulation. Stop giving info that make those living alone feel worse…do more research on the positive aspects of 'loneliness.'

  • lettice corless

    I know I have changed as I, have reach retirement because people use to be a big part of who and what I did. I, helped others I’ve been helped but it’s too much energy to figure out people when making new friends, and they all want something, most of the people I have been really close Have died or very sick to even mention and I feel maybe some of us are better off hanging alone it’s less trouble both my husbands are deceased I was married 32 years to one he died we were so happy my second 17 years and he was much younger than my self I enjoyed great relationships with both. But I’ve not found anyone I want to even go out on a regular basis, and anyway I don’t even like the way some of the people act or they don’t have a clue on how to treat a lady!

  • Stephen Powdexter

    Making my lonely comment: interesting theory, and one with evolutionary basis. I see he died in 2018.😕 ..
    I will say a lot of people say they are so independent and self-reliant when that’s a lie.

  • Steve Primeau

    Well one thing's for sure. At least we're not alone in our loneliness. There are plenty of us in the same boat, so we might as well get to know each other. Hi, I'm Steve. How's your day going? 😊

  • JIMJAMSC

    Gee I wondered WHY I have become a recluse. A typical day involves first dealing with traffic. Tailgaters, pull outs, brake checking, road rage, road hazards,jams etc. Customer service is horrible at most places. Forces smiles and Hellos. All this avoided by Amazon and a few mouse clicks. I do feel sorry for the single man trying to date. Ask for a date and it might be considered harassment. Just look and keep your distance and it is stalking. I am just fine in my man cave.

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