• Squatters Ep1 – The New Housemate | Foil Arms and Hog
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    Squatters Ep1 – The New Housemate | Foil Arms and Hog

    We should just rent out the spare room. It’s against the terms of the lease agreement. We haven’t paid rent in three years. I’m pretty sure that’s against the terms of the lease agreement. Well, what if the landlord comes back? He’s not coming back! It’s been three years. Okay? He’s probably in prison or fled the country. It’s morally obtuse Okay, look look… There’s a housing crisis. Yeah? People are desperate. This would be like a public service. Like a civic duty? Exactly Plus we could charge an absolute fortune. Another person here? I mean, that’s gonna ruin our dynamic. Dynamic? Yeah, our ebb and flow. Our ying and…

  • All the Weird Stuff People Do in Their Sleep – Tosh.0
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    All the Weird Stuff People Do in Their Sleep – Tosh.0

    THAT FIGHTING IS JUST HOW RUSSIANS SOBER UP? OKAY, WHY ARE THERE GREEN ONIONS IN HIS BELLY BUTTON? ARE YOU MAKING HIM INTO A STEW? NOW THERE’S A NAKED MAN HERE. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. FOR A CULTURE THAT’S NOT ACCEPTING OF HOMOSEXUALS, RUSSIANS ARE SUPER GAY. NAKED GUYS CAN BREAK UP ANY FIGHT. THAT’S WHY I THINK ALL NFL OFFICIALS SHOULD BE NUDE. [whistle blows] ALL RIGHT, LET’S GO. BREAK IT UP. PLAY’S OVER. 59, EYES UP HERE THERE’S NO FLAG ON THE PLAY. I JUST ENJOY YANKING IT OUT BECAUSE IT FEELS NICE. FOURTH DOWN. AND INCHES. OH, IT IS WAY WORSE WHEN I REF A SOCCER…

  • Forever Leather – Web Redemption – Tosh.0
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    Forever Leather – Web Redemption – Tosh.0

    >>We got a lot of really great leather deals right now. You know, everybody’s crying about the economy, saying, “Oh, my God, it’s so slow. Oh, my God, things are so bad.” Well, you know, if– not for nothin’–this is just a pet peeve of mine. If Hillary Clinton didn’t spend a whole year running for president instead of doing something for the state of New York, maybe we’d be a little better. They’re suckin’ the blood right out of us! They’re rippin’ everybody to pieces! Online gamblin’. You ain’t gonna believe it. We saw 44 beans for this.>>Really?>>They go 139 beans. They’re 80, 90, 100 bones, like that. Beautiful…

  • Weightlifting – Web Redemption – Tosh.0
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    Weightlifting – Web Redemption – Tosh.0

    [laughter]>>I THINK I’M DYING.>>CRAIG. YEAH, WAY TO GO.>>THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN LIFTING WITH YOUR BACK IS SPOTTING WITH YOUR KNEES. DO YOU REALLY NEED A SPOTTER? YOU CAN EITHER BENCH IT, OR YOU CAN’T. I PREFER NOT TO HAVE SOMEONE TEABAGGING ME, GETTING ME ALL HORNY WHILE I LIFT, BRO. THAT WAS ZACK AND CRAIG, AND WHILE THE INTERNATIONAL WEIGHTLIFTING FEDERATION MIGHT NOT HAVE CONSIDERED THAT A GOOD LIFT, IT LOOKED PERFECT TO ME. A SHREDDED BODY IS THE ONLY WAY TO DISTRACT WOMEN FROM YOUR SUB PAR PERSONALITY IF YOU DON’T HAVE MONEY. PUMPING IRON IS FOR CONVICTED FELONS OR PRO ATHLETES, WHICH IS A BIT REDUNDANT THESE…

  • Brad the Actor – Web Redemption – Tosh.0
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    Brad the Actor – Web Redemption – Tosh.0

    I’m Brad, I’m an 18-year-old nonunion actor/model. My favorite actor is Vince Vaughn, without question. He has the perfect combination of comedy, and wittiness, that I find very rare in an actor. And when I go see his movies, he’ll have me laughing with him for the first five minutes. This shoe is tough. It screams work me, bend me, shape me. I will do anything for you. And you like that. Nike a bit of an attitude. I keep waking up in the night all drenched in ‘swat.’ Yesterday, I put my fist through the window and shattered into pieces. My mom is dead. She’s dead. Nailed it! He…

  • Impractical Jokers – “Ass Man or Breast Man” Ep. 810 (Web Chat) | truTV
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    Impractical Jokers – “Ass Man or Breast Man” Ep. 810 (Web Chat) | truTV

    Alright, I’ll start over. Ready? Let’s take it. Let’s take it. How many questions do you have here? -10. -No. We can do about five questions tops. Here we go. ♪♪ Hey, it’s Sal. I want to thank you for joining us for “Ask a Joker.” Every week, we tweet this out. You guys hashtag #AskAJoker on Twitter, and we search for your questions, and then we answer them. So obviously I just lost the episode where I play a host at Delmonico’s, and I can’t get people the reservations they rightfully had. Ohh. Unfortunately, the arrival of Mr. Damon and Mr. DiCaprio made it so that… “Usurped your reservation.”…

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    Tosh.0 – Web Redemption – Bear Attack Survivor

    – Life sucks in bear country. Just had a grizzly with two cubs come at me from about 80 yards. And I sprayed the shit out of her with bear spray. She got my head good, I don’t know what’s under my hat. My ear, my arm, pieces of stuff hanging out, I don’t know what’s going on in there. I think my arm’s broke but legs are good. Internal organs are good. Eyes are good. I just walked out three miles now I gotta go to the hospital. So, be safe out there. – By Gods grace his life and iPhone were spared. The guy who’s head is being…

  • Web Redemption: I Eat Ass – Tosh.0
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    Web Redemption: I Eat Ass – Tosh.0

    Officer: Reason I’m pulling you over is your derogatory sticker on the back of your truck. How is itnotderogatory? “I eat ass,” and asks his mom what it means, how’s she gonna explain that? Okay, let me see your driver’s license. Mr. Webb, step out of your vehicle, please. I’m gonna have you take off one of those letters so that the word — I have four kids. If my 6-year-old was to look at me and be like, “Dad, what does ‘I eat ass’ mean,” okay, I’d be furious. Place your hands behind your back. For what? Because I gave you the option to take that off your window,…

  • There’s a Website for That
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    There’s a Website for That

    >>[INDISTINCT CHATTER]>>BLOW HIM AWAY, BLOW HIM AWAY, GO, GO, GO. [PHONE BEEPING] OH, THAT’S MY ALARM TO GO TO BEST BUY AND PICK UP WAR HERO THREE FOR MY WAR HERO.>>SWEET. HEY, CAN YOU MAKE SURE TO GET THE GOLD EDITION?>>UH, NO, ‘CAUSE I’M GOING TO GET THE PLATINUM EDITION.>>THAT’S A BALLER MOVE, BABE.>>AND DON’T WORRY ABOUT DINNER ‘CAUSE I’M MAKING KOBE BEEF BURGERS!>>I LOVE MY LIFE!>>UM, QUESTION FOR YOU…>>YEAH.>>WHERE DID YOU MEET THAT GIRL?>>ONLINE. YEAH, I SIGNED UP FOR MEETGAMERBABES.COM.>>BUT WHY DOES SHE LIKE YOU?>>BECAUSE SHE ONLY DATES GAMERS AND THEY HAVE SET THE BAR VERY LOW.>>THE INTERNET’S CRAZY, MAN.>>I KNOW. AND IT’S NOT JUST FOR DATING, MAN. EVERYONE…

  • Walking Dead Chappelle’s Show – SNL
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    Walking Dead Chappelle’s Show – SNL

    >>>YOU KNOW, ALL WEEK LONG PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING ME IF I WAS GOING TO DO ANY CHARACTERS FROM “CHAPPELLE SHOW” TONIGHT. AT FIRST I WASN’T TO. AND THEN I SAW THAT EPISODE OF “WALKING DEAD.” WHERE THEY SMASHED THIS GUY GLEN ON THE HEAD AND KILLED HIM. I KNOW, IT WAS DEVASTATING. I LOVE THAT SHOW WHEN GLEN WAS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS. SO I WAS LIKE CRUSHED. SO — IN THAT SPIRIT AND WITH THAT IN MIND, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ WHISTLING ] >>HA HA HA! I JUST CANNOT DECIDE WHICH ONE OF YOU IS GOING TO DANCE WITH…