Sean Hayes Spots Cher in the Audience
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Sean Hayes Spots Cher in the Audience

Last time I was a
guest on this show, I was sitting right
there, cracking Ellen up, as I always do. And who should be
in the audience, but none other than Brad Pitt. Isn’t that amazing? Yeah. Look, there he is. And, yeah, that day I like
to refer to as my Pitt bit. So I can’t help but wonder
if there are any celebrities in my audience today. Let’s take a look around. Is there anybody we can– [LAUGHTER] Let’s see– [LAUGHTER] Nope, no celebrities. Anyway, today’s still a
pretty important day for me, because it’s my 20th
time being on this show. [APPLAUSE] Yeah. It’s true. If a celebrity has
been on the show a lot, Ellen gives them a
seat in the audience. There’s a Tom Hanks
seat, Drew Brees has one. But she’s never given me one. And I’ve been on this
show more than Ellen has. So since it’s my show today,
I’m giving myself a seat. Behold, this
Seanathon Hayes chair. [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] Yeah. That’s nice. Yeah. [APPLAUSE] Too much? I didn’t think so either. I’m sorry, but– I’m so sorry, but something’s
been bothering me. Do I know you? I feel like I know you. Like if only I could turn
back time and remember where I know you from. It’s driving me crazy. I mean, as soon as
I figure it out, I’m going to share
it with all of you. [LAUGHTER] I got you, babe. Anyway, let’s get back on track. Last time I hosted,
I did a segment that I liked so much,
I’m going to do it again. It’s time for, “Oh,
Straight People.” [MUSIC PLAYING] Oh,
straight people. OK, here’s how this works. I’m going to read an actual news
headline about straight people. Then I’m going to shake my head
and say, oh, straight people. Then we’ll repeat as necessary. Here’s the first one. Guys are reporting
women on Tinder for the crime of
not being into them. Oh, straight people. Here’s the next one. Couple busted for DUI had
sex in back of cop car. Oh, straight people. Oh, my god, that’s pretty bad. Here’s another one. Six Flags will pay couples
$600 to lie in a coffin together for 30 hours. Oh, straight people. Here’s one more. Man proposes to girlfriend by
putting ring on cow’s utter. Say it with me, everyone. Oh, straight people. That was very good. If you see a headline
that makes you say, oh, straight people, don’t send
it to me, send it to Ellen. I can’t remember
my email password. We’ll be right back. [MUSIC PLAYING – CHER, “IF I
COULD TURN BACK TIME”] If I could turn back time. If I could find a way, I’d
take back all those words that hurt you and you’d stay. If I could reach the stars,
I’d give them all to you. Then you’d love me, love
me, like you used to do.


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