Republicans Run For Cover After Trump’s G-7 Doral Announcement
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Republicans Run For Cover After Trump’s G-7 Doral Announcement


WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO “THE LATE
SHOW”! I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT,
AND IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE BACK. FEELS GOOD TO BE HERE WITH THESE
GREAT PEOPLE. I’VE BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY. WAY OUT OF THE COUNTRY. NEW ZEALAND. OUT OF THE HEMISPHERE– BOTH OF
THEM. I HAVE BEEN AS FAR FROM THE
INSATIABLE BLACK HOLE OF NEWS THAT IS DONALD TRUMP AS YOU CAN
GET ON THIS PLANET. ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, I’VE HEARD THERE HAVE BEEN SOME DEVELOPMENTS OVER THE LAST
TEN DAYS THAT DID NOT GO SO WELL FOR DONNY, BUT TODAY, AT HIS
FIRST CABINET MEETING SINCE THE IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS
BEGAN, HE INVITED IN THE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE PRESS AND
CALMLY EXPLAINED THAT THERE’S NOTHING FOR HIM TO BE CONCERNED
ABOUT, FOR 71 MINUTES. ( LAUGHTER )
71 MINUTES IS NOT A PRESS CONFERENCE. THAT’S A ONE MAN SHOW. ( LAUGHTER )
IF YOU LIKED “FLEABAG,” YOU’LL LOVE DONALD TRUMP IN
“DOUCHEBAG.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) THE FIRST THING TRUMP WAS JUST
FINE WITH WAS THE FIRESTORM HE IGNITED ON THURSDAY AFTER HE
ANNOUNCED THAT THE NEXT G-7 SUMMIT WOULD BE HELD AT THE
TRUMP NATIONAL DORAL GOLF RESORT. WOW. ( BOOING )
TAXPAYER MONEY BEING SPENT AT HIS OWN PLACE. THAT IS BALD SELF-DEALING. YOU’D HAVE TO BE AN IDIOT TO
DEFEND THAT. ENTER NORTH DAKOTA SENATOR KEVIN
CRAMER, WHO SAID, “IT MAY SEEM CARELESS POLITICALLY, BUT ON THE
OTHER HAND THERE’S TREMENDOUS INTEGRITY IN HIS BOLDNESS AND
HIS TRANSPARENCY.” YES, REFRESHING CANDOR. (AS TRUMP)
“HEY, IF I’M GOING TO GET IMPEACHED ANYWAY, IT’S
BUCKET-LIST TIME. THE G-7 IS AT DORAL, WE’RE
SERVING NOTHING BUT TRUMP STEAKS, IT’S B.Y.O. PORN STAR,
AND DON’T FORGET YOUR PISTOLS ‘CAUSE WE’RE HEADED TO 5TH
AVENUE.” BUT MOST REPUBLICANS FREAKED
OUT, RAN FOR COVER, CHANGED THEIR NAMES, AND FILED OFF THEIR
FINGERPRINTS. SO, SATURDAY, TRUMP ANNOUNCED
THAT HE WOULD NO LONGER BE USING DORAL FOR THE G-7, TWEETING, “I
THOUGHT I WAS DOING SOMETHING VERY GOOD FOR OUR COUNTRY BY
USING TRUMP NATIONAL DORAL, IN MIAMI, FOR HOSTING THE G-7
LEADERS. IT IS BIG, GRAND, ON HUNDREDS OF
ACRES, NEXT TO MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, HAS
TREMENDOUS BALLROOMS AND MEETING ROOMS, AND EACH DELEGATION WOULD
HAVE DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, ITS OWN 50-70
UNIT BUILDING. WOULD SET UP BETTER THAN OTHER
ALTERNATIVES.” WOW. EVEN TRUMP’S ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT
NOT USING HIS RESORT IS A COMMERCIAL FOR HIS RESORT. ( LAUGHTER )
(AS TRUMP) “I WOULD NEVER USE THE OFFICE OF
THE PRESIDENCY TO PROMOTE ONE OF MY OWN PROPERTIES, EVEN THE
ONE-OF-A-KIND, WORLD FAMOUS TRUMP DORAL. YOU KNOW OUR MOTTO: IT’S NOT
JUST UNBELIEVABLE, IT’S UNCONSTITUTIONAL.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TOTALLY WORTH IT. NOW, TODAY — TODAY — TODAY,
TRUMP CONTINUED TO DEFEND THE THING HE’S NOT GOING TO DO.>>DORAL WAS A VERY SIMPLE
SITUATION. I OWN A PROPERTY IN FLORIDA. I WAS GOING TO DO IT AT NO COST
OR GIVE IT FREE.>>STEPHEN: NO, YOU WEREN’T
( LAUGHTER ) BULL DOOKIE! YOU’VE NEVER GIVEN ANYTHING
AWAY FOR FREE. FOR PETE’S SAKE, THE TRUMP
CHARITABLE FOUNDATION WAS SHUT DOWN BY NEW YORK STATE BECAUSE
IT WAS A CHECKBOOK TO SERVE YOUR BUSINESS AND POLITICAL
INTERESTS. (AS TRUMP)
“I DON’T RUN FOR THE CURE. THE CURE RUNS FOR ME.” ( LAUGHTER )
BESIDES, HOLDING THE G-7 AT YOUR PROPERTY IS FREE ADVERTISING. BUT TRUMP INSISTS HE DOESN’T
NEED THAT.>>DEMOCRATS WENT CRAZY, EVEN
THOUGH I WOULD HAVE DONE IT FOR FREE. SAVED THE COUNTRY A LOT OF
MONEY. THEN THEY SAY, “OH, BUT
YOU WILL GET PROMOTION.” WHO CARES? YOU DON’T THINK I GET ENOUGH
PROMOTION? I GET MORE
PROMOTION THAN ANY HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EVER LIVED, I THINK I
CAN SAY THAT FAIRLY SAFELY. I GET MORE PROMOTION THAN ANY
HUMAN BEING THAT HAS EVER LIVED.>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“ANYONE WHO’S EVER LIVED YIP TIME IN HISTORY. I’M BIGGER THAN JESUS. AND I HAVE WAY MORE HOTELS. SERIOUSLY, THAT GUY CAN’T EVEN
GET INTO AN INN.” ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: COME ON, NOW.>>Stephen: “NO MINT ON THE
MANGER FOR THIS GUY.” ( LAUGHTER )
THEN TRUMP FINALLY STOPPED TALKING ABOUT HIS RESORT AND
ADDRESSED THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE OF THE DAY: HOW GREAT HE
IS.>>I’M VERY GOOD AT REAL ESTATE. VERY, VERY GOOD. MUCH BETTER THAN YOU EVEN
UNDERSTAND. WHEN YOU SEE MY FINANCIALS,
WHICH I WILL GIVE AT THE RIGHT TIME, YOU WILL SAY, “MAN, HE WAS
MUCH BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT.” THIS GUY KNOWS RIGHT HERE,
MNUCHIN, BECAUSE HE WAS IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR. HE KNOWS VERY MUCH WHAT I HAVE.>>STEPHEN: (AS MNUCHIN)
“YEAH, BOSS, SO GOOD. YOU’RE SO GOOD AT BUSINESS. THAT’S WHY WE’RE NOT RELEASING
YOUR TAXES, RIGHT? BECAUSE THAT’S WHY
WE HAD THEM SEALED IN TITANIUM CAPSULES AND FIRED INTO THE
HEART OF THE SUN. SO PEOPLE WOULDN’T BE TOO
IMPRESSED BY THEM, IS THAT THE RIGHT ANSWER?”
( LAUGHTER ) THEN TRUMP POINTED OUT HE SHOULD
HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO VIOLATE THE CONSTITUTION BECAUSE, HE
CLAIMED, OTHER PRESIDENTS HAD.>>I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW
GEORGE WASHINGTON, HE RAN HIS BUSINESS SIMULTANEOUSLY WHILE HE
WAS PRESIDENT. GEORGE WASHINGTON, THEY SAY, HAD
TWO DESKS, HE HAD A PRESIDENTIAL DESK AND A BUSINESS DESK.>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“TALK ABOUT SELF-DEALING. WASHINGTON — NOT EVERYBODY
KNOWS THIS — WASHINGTON PUT HIS PICTURE ON
EVERY DOLLAR. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE ROYALTIES?”
DADDY GOT HIS BEAK WET ON EVERY DOLLAR, NOT MUCH, BUT IT ADDS
UP. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TRUMP WAS FURIOUS! FURIOUS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SO THE G7 WILL NOW NOT BE AT DORAL NATIONAL, AND THAT GIVES
TRUMP A SAD –>>IT WAS SO GOOD, FLORIDA LOVED
IT. THEY LOVED THE ECONOMIC
DEVELOPMENT. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE, IT IS
NEW, IT HAS BEEN TOTALLY REBUILT. EVERYTHING’S GOOD. GOT MASSIVE MEETING ROOMS. UNLIMITED FOR SECURITY, BECAUSE
IT IS ON HUNDREDS OF ACRES. RIGHT NEXT TO MIAMI AIRPORT, ONE
OF THE BIGGEST AIRPORTS IN THE WORLD, SOME PEOPLE SAY IT IS THE
BIGGEST. BUT ONE OF THE BIGGEST AIRPORTS
IN THE WORLD. IT’S ONLY MINUTES AWAY.>>STEPHEN: HAS TRUMP EVER BEEN
TO MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT? ( LAUGHTER )
I HAVE AND I’M PRETTY SURE THEY’RE PULLING
THE TROOPS OUT OF SYRIA BECAUSE THEY’RE NEEDED TO QUELL A RIOT
AT THE AUNTIE ANNE’S IN TERMINAL C.

100 Comments

  • Q Jo

    While you're wit and shine are without question, I would advise that you risk normalising the presidents behavior, or worse trivializing the very issues which threaten your very democracy to a point where the people who rely on you are too busy laughing to effect their consequent social groups to enact the change in thinking required to have common sense and reality take hold in in life and stop pretending to make ourselves feel better that we can blame a group or a person for our mistakes, we must leave blame behind, look to the future and make it everything it should have been for us in the first place for us, but instead for not only our children, but for all generations to come. This is a simple truth, never forget.

  • XBLMastrodicasa

    In case anyone was curious MIA (Miami International) doesn't even break the top 10 in the U.S. for total passengers or surface area size. Also for those curious ATL is number one for passengers and DEN is number one for size.

  • Beth E

    Donald Trump makes me sick. I refuse to call him President. It induces vomitting. This man cannot come up with the most BASIC SENTENCE structures, to make a point. He speaks like I did in 2nd grade, when the nun told me, I'm "sounding more like a big girl every day." I wish I could give him that same compliment. His constant exaggerations, the dumbass pomposity in his voice, his coke fueled SNIFFLING, his constant need to self- assure by whining, makes me embarrassed and ashamed that there were millions of people in this great country who decided he was their best choice. Get him the hell OUT. WTH is it gonna take???!?

  • Poo0fi

    I’m so tired of Trump’s incoherent, lie-filled, stream of consciousness crap. We all watch it and we all know he’s bullshitting and yet people take it. It truly is a circus.

    It’s like waiting for new episodes of Mr. Bean to see what new stupidly we get to see except you realize it’s real life and a senile narcissist is the president.

    I think Trump hasn’t yet realized that there is only one way for this to end. One way or the other, after his term is done, he’s going to prison, or die. He thinks he can just migrate to Russia after or something? With all the state secrets he has that he wasn’t qualified to know? Much more likely for Trump to have a “heart attack” and die in his sleep than have someone like Trump who is a waking national security risk run off.

  • TheSwordofra

    And of course, the stupid point he tried making using George Washington was another lie in a never ending stream of lies and bullshit.
    https://crooksandliars.com/2019/10/fact-checking-the-incredible-shrinking-brain

    This is the same guy who claimed to have unlimited wisdom recently. Unlimited… wisdom! LOL

  • Atom Grounder

    omg can DUDE shut up and stop repeating everything colbert says. Colbert, "I been out of the country for awhile, far away." In the backgroun its always the same annyoning mimicking, "Yeah, far away, far away." SHUT UP PIANO MAN!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • kevin cronan

    most of the people that voted for him couldn't even get a room at the Doral,,and i don't think he would give anyone of them a discount,,,

  • Robin Potter

    No, Florida doesn't love trump coming, it strains the budget and resources for local law enforcement agencies and the counties aren't reimbursed. He said the phoney emoluments clause. Article 1 of the constitution. He's off the rails in crazy town.

  • tr4nc3

    to be honest all you have to do is listen to this man, the tragedy is right there, doing all the work, what a complete and utter idiot. The people voting for this man should be treated as imbeciles and have their right to vote taken away due to lack of mental capacity.

  • Whereabouts Unknown

    It's sad when you think this guy has lived his WHOLE life that way for 73 years…. he's never been taught how insufferable he is, never learned how to be a better human. So sad….

  • angela smith

    When trump (lower case intentional) brags about how great he is, it brings to mind a virgin bragging about how much pu**y he gets.

  • StoneE4

    Remember when the stupidest guy on TV was Homer Simpson? Until 2016 I never, in my wildest dreams, would have thought that the an American President would make Homer look like a genius.

  • Lisa Christiani

    Did something go wrong with Camp David?After all doing it at One of President Trump’s places once again putting extra money into his pocket the extra cost of having security there is more money out of the pocket of the citizens when are the Trumpites going to learn or even acknowledge what kind of scammer this man is.

  • Lady pilliwick

    lol. your morons… Trump will not win in 2020. Americans vote the economy…… and the US turned its back on the constitution
    Elizabeth Warren will win the presidency….. and the entire country will go Californian ….
    she will also be the last president

  • chim

    i like stephen colbert. but to say trump has never given anything away for free is really silly. Your trump jokes are funny because there based on true facts. No bullshit to lead up to the punchline. trump has givin a lot back to society and that is truly undeniable. this whole trump shit has really exploded into mob mentality. there aint no captain steering this ship anymore!

  • Makkushimu

    Sigh, seen and studied this far too many times by now. Narcissists tend to cherry pick rare cases of something happening in order to manipulate how morally reprehensible/flat out illegal it is to do so.

  • bilias hour

    "more promotions than other human being in history…" uhm, yep, sociopath, or psycho, plain idiot at least. Please can we move on from this nonsense by now.

  • Rokusho 66

    Wait did he just admit on television that he’s not divested from his financial interests? Because he said “his” property…not “my family’s.”

  • Marvelous Life

    The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Bug Bunny. Washington was a landowner and farmer. Trumps need all the help advertising his properties because they're all running in the red.

  • Miso Mama

    that is some greed right there. he's charging security and guest full price to stay at his hotels. he wanted to milk the US citizens for the cost of guest bills. who does this man talk to? i live in florida and i damn sure didnt like it. and you can bet no one in Miami liked the idea of him darkening their doorstep or neighborhood. how about this. if trump wants to spend our money why not go to one of the hurricane ravaged areas and launder money into those area hotels. this way he can make up for the disaster relief aide he should have signed off on.

  • David H

    Trump's INSANE airport claim in perspective;

    Miami International covers 13,35 square km. Or 1335 hectares. Or 3300 acres.

    Denver International (biggest in north america) covers 136 square km. Or 13600 hectares. Or 33600 acres.

    King Fahd International Saudi Arabia (worlds biggest by Guiness) covers 780 square km. Or 78000 hectares. Or 193000 acres.

    King Fahd is about 6 times bigger than the US biggest airport. And about 59 times bigger than Miami International.

    Make sure to mention the bed bug problems in your state funded advertising. Oh and show your financials you broke, sad, wannabe gangster.

  • Howard Griego

    Do Trump supporters realize how stupid he makes them look yet? Trump supporters need to start looking for a new place to live.

  • Sherry Bullock

    Trump Doral resort settles with guest who sued over bedbug …
    https://www.miamiherald.com › jose-lambiet › article129651494

    Jan 30, 2017

    White smoke over President Donald Trump’s Trump National Doral Miami golf resort! The scandal of the luxury …

  • UberKrassMann

    you know sometimes i feel like trump just doesn't understand WHY what he does is problematic. it might just be that someone with literally 0 experience in politics isn't quite familiar with all the subtle do's and don'ts of international relations and WHY you can't just be a corrupt businessman as president of the US……
    just a hypothesis….
    10$ say he literally didn't know that what he was doing was wrong when he asked ukraine for dirt.

  • CNend

    You should have announced you were in NZ , i would flown over from Australia and smashed the shit out you . I'd love any chance to meet you even live ! I here you lost 30% of your viewers this year , LOL !

  • mixio hili

    The “stable genius” who considers himself, “the smartest, richest, very best” at everything also wins the prize for most out-of-touch, delusional human being to ever live.

  • Little Birdy got the worm

    Can you just imagine being held hostage in a room and having him speaking gibberish and self aggrandising for 70 mins. I would shoot myself!

  • Flee Tyrrany

    R U nuts ? No firestorm in Florida lol. This is Trump country. Yes we have corrupt commie Democrat elections officials in South florida but we are working on that. Ready by 2020..😀

  • R Nickerson

    In regards to the whole "I don't need promotion, I'm already promoted" line:
    1. Colbert nailed it with bringing up Jesus. The religious are being given countless signs to stop supporting, but they're either blindly Republican or lying hypocrites.
    2. So… big brands like Coke and Pepsi, Dell and Microsoft, Verizon and AT&T, etc, etc, etc… these companies are wasting money on ads? Everyone knows they exist already, therefore they don't need any sort of promotions ever again? Logic…

  • SirMontecristo

    Who the hell said Florida loves it? Everyone I have talked to in West Palm hates him. I can't imagine what he would do to people in Doral, a city with double the traffic and narrowed streets.

  • London Water

    Not Stevens fault that he can’t talk about the endless wars. If he was allowed to talk about them, maybe we could hear about something besides Trump every single goddamned night!

  • Breno Bacci

    I'm just wondering… who the fuck are these people that laugh when the orange dotard gets on his diatribes? Are they reporters? Do they think this is funny? I mean… Stephen's and other comedians' takes on the absurdity of it all is definitely funny, but when this idiocy is happening live in front of you, I don't think this is an adequate response. I would never be able to listen for more than 10 seconds of any of the stupid things this man says. I would stop him there and tell him to shut up his disgusting mouth. If you don't call out the idiots right there, in the moment they're being idiots, you're being complacent, an enabler of the breakdown of modern civilization. This piece of shit should not get any affirmation from us, normal people. Whoever the fuck these people are, someone in their families should tell them to grow some metaphorical balls.

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