Murderhobo | 1 For All | D&D Comedy Web-Series
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Murderhobo | 1 For All | D&D Comedy Web-Series

Well… He’s definitely dead. Did you really have to kill him though? I mean, I wasn’t gonna pay two silver for an apple. It’s highway robbery. Technically what you just did was highway robbery. You know that right? This is a busy area You can hear the footsteps of another traveler coming from just down the road. They’re getting closer. What do you do? I… I drag the body off the road before they can see. Okay, because you’re trying to do this really fast I’m gonna make that an athletics check. *laughs in awkward* Hurry up! They’re going to be here soon. I’m trying! He’s stuck on something. Pull harder! I am! Hello there? What are you doing? Oh no! You have to help us! This man just collapsed. It’s a heart attack. A heart attack, huh? So why are his pants down? Oh, um. He was– He was overheating! We’re just trying to make him more comfortable. I don’t understand. He’s dying in front of you and you just start eating his produce? Well it’s not like he’s eating them. Oooookay then. Make a Deception Check. With disadvantage. Murder! Theft! Necrophilia! And on the King’s Road. I have to alert the guards. Guards! Guards? Before he can run I attack. Roll for it. So… He’s dead. *happiness intensifies* While you were pummeling him to death with his own fists… He was screaming in a lot of pain which alerted some nearby travelers. You can hear them walking down the road. I’m gonna burn the bodies. Turn them to ash. And then we just and *whoosh* And which spell are you gonna use for this? Maybe you shouldn’t have used all your spell slots making smores. I was hungry! *Gasp* Spontaneous combustion? Make another Deception Check. With disadvantage. Good heavens! The King himself shall hear of this! Your highness! Your highness! There is mischief on your road! So you beat another innocent person to death. *sadism intensifies* The corpses which you failed to incinerate before did manage to catch on fire… Sending a plume of black smoke up into the sky. You have made a signal fire attracting more people to your location. You hear multiple travelers coming from down the road. Remember that village with the gnolls? Do you remember what they did to everyone? Oh, they adopted all their children and supported their lifestyle choices? No, it was a brutal murder. What if we try and make this look like a wild animal attack? That’s a great idea! Antrius. We need a distraction. Well, I know a song or two! Ladies! Gentlemen! Strangers and nobles alike. Come gather round. Don’t look that way! And hear what I have to say. *coughing* Come on. Roll Performance. It’s good! In fact, it’s so good you attract even more people to the crowd. Hear me young travellers. Look right here. No, not over there. And gaze upon this gorgeous hair. *gasps* Oh no! He’s had a heart attack! Wah! *Boo!* *Boo-urns!* Should have done it this way from the beginning. And then I grab the peasant and I beat him to death with his own leg. And I keep hitting him again and again until his head explodes like a watermelon. And his skull is crushed and he’s dead. They’re all dead. Roll for it? *whistles* Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone stab a man with another man. Yeah, I didn’t think I could top that. And then that band of Tabaxi orphans came along. Really outdid myself. We should do this again sometime. Are we the bad guys? Heyo– Ooh! Thanks for watching our video– Oh! I am being beaten to death with me own arm. Oh this is rough. Oh god– Oh I see the lights. Please click Like and Subscribe and please tell my wife and child I won’t be home for dinner. A– And– If you would be so kind as to join our Patreon, maybe they could have breakfast tomorrow. I was on my way home– Little Rosemary. She’s 4 years old. She’s got arthritis and can’t feed herself. Okay, I’m done. Could someone give me a hand? Oh…


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