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“Idris Elba as James Bond?” – (Afraid Of The Dark on Netflix) – TREVOR NOAH


Cause I’ve never been to a place where there were no black people before It actually made me realize… There had been an issue That I’ve been grappling with for so long. And now finally, I had a…. another answer. and that issue…. was that of James Bond. I’m a big fan! of 007. License To Kill. loved it my whole life started with Peirce Brosnan then went back and watched Connery’s, and Lazenby’s, and everyone all the way through to Daniel Craig. and I love… James Bond. and when I found out that Daniel Craig no longer wanted to be James Bond, I was.. I was heartbroken! until I heard… that at the top of the list the potential replacement was a man by the name… Idris Elba! and I lost my mind! I lost my… you can hear the ladies, I mean ah like yeah… you know? Yeah! and that’s what James Bond needs A lady’s man, and a man’s man and Idris has that! you know? He’s strong, he’s charming… ya know, he’s got that quiet thing… Ah yeah, ya know Idris Elba… ah yeah ya know Idris Elba you know, ah yeah you could just see him playing the dapper spy and as soon as it was announced everyone is excited everyone is excited Until, the comments section of the internet came in… Idris Elba – James Bond! and the comments section was like… Ahhh, actually… Idris Elba could NOT play James Bond. We were like… WHY?! They’re like…. Because… ** (gestures to face) ** because of the shape of his head?! What are you saying? What are you saying? No!… Because… because what? Because he’s black! James Bond cannot be played by a black man! and as soon as they said that, the internet exploded! Racissssssssssmmmm! and immediately that happened… I jumped in, I don’t even know what it’s about half of the time, I just jump in! Just say “Racism” and I just rep my side I’m just like…Racissssmmm Racisssssmmmm! you guys we’ll explain it later… Racissssmmm! and I was in there! and I was like… What the Hell is going on?! They’re like… James Bond could not be played Idris Elba because Idris Elba is a black man, and James Bond is white! Well actually… James Bond is a fictional character and so, he can be played by anyone because it is FICTION! and they were like, well when you think about it James Bond was based on a real man who was white… and so he should be played by a real white man! and I was like, well that just doesn’t make sense cause if you think about it… Jesus was technically a black man… but he gets played, by a white man! so I don’t know… what your point is?! cause that’s never stopped me from receiving my blessings! I don’t know what you’re going on about! And they were like “You can’t have it!” and I was like “Racism!” You can’t have it!…. Racism! You can’t have it…. Racissssssmmmm! And then I went to Scotland. I realized, that maybe… just maybe… I hadn’t given the argument, enough thought. because I love Idris Elba! I want him to play Bond! but if you think about it… James Bond, often operates in places like… Scotland. in the U.K. and Europe! Because… That’s where most super villains choose to reside. I’m assuming it’s for tax purposes. No matter how you feel about the issue… you have to admit… It would be… particularly difficult… to be a Spy… when you are the… ONLY… black person in town! your very existence… defies your purpose! I’m not saying it’s impossible… I’m just saying that would be the toughest James Bond movie, that was ever made! Can you imagine that scene?!… Idris Elba/James Bond… planting the C4 blowing up the bad guys lair… jumping on a bike… riding into the town square in Edinburgh. The bad guys, right behind him! They pull out their guns and start shooting… The chase is on! ** (sounding out James Bond Theme Music) ** Idris Elba/James Bond jumps off the bike… runs into a crowded town square… the bad guys are right behind him… He manages to shake them off! Pops into a little alley… gets out on the other side… finds a crowded little market place… puts a scarf around his head… a fake beard, blends in with a group of Monks walking by… the bad guys turn the corner… There he is!! ** (sounding James Bond theme music) ** James Bond manages to shake them off! gets into another group of areas… pops out on the other side… finds a transportation hub… gets into a bus… the bus goes one way… he gets into a tram… the tram goes the other way… the bad guys turn the corner… There he isssssss! ** (sounding out James Bond theme music) ** The movie would be 10 minutes long! It would end with James Bond, panting in an alley… How did you find me??! We would lose so many epic scenes! like that moment… where James… reveals his name. you know that scene in the casino, we always wait for??! Him dressed in the tux… playing a high stakes… game of Baccarat! see Idris Elba walking over to the bar now… to place that iconic order! Bartender… I’ll take my Martini… shaken, not stirred! The names… James Bond?! … I know! I’m sorry mate, have we met?! Noooo! I just heard there was a spy in town! Figured it was YOU! What game me away?! Is it the way I dress?? Oh there’s just… something about ya! Something like what?! Ya know!… ** (gesturing to face) **

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