Guest Host Sean Hayes Negotiates His Salary with an Unsuspecting WB Accountant
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Guest Host Sean Hayes Negotiates His Salary with an Unsuspecting WB Accountant


Thank you. I am your guest
host, Sean Hayes. Ellen isn’t here today. She’s at a Little League
game with George W. Bush, so she’ll be back, I’m
sure, at some point. I’ve got to say, I
love doing the show. I really, really do. You always make me
feel so welcome. So thank you. In fact, this is my
third time hosting. So it’s– yeah. [APPLAUSE] Yeah. Thanks. It’s kind of like a third
date, which means you guys better put out
or it’s over, OK? But I do– I love
having this platform. I love how Ellen sometimes
uses it to discuss big issues affecting the country. And I would like to take a
stand myself and do that today. I’d like to address
the disparity of wages between men and women. Yes. [APPLAUSE] Here’s my problem. For hosting the exact same show,
Ellen makes way more than me. So as a man, I think I
finally deserve equal pay. Am I a hero for saying that? Kind of. I think I am. The point is, I think I deserve
a little more money than I’ve been making here, so I took
a trip to the Warner Brothers accounting office. They didn’t know I was
coming, but this gay boy needed to straighten things out. Here’s what happened. [MUSIC – RIHANNA, “BITCH BETTER
HAVE MY MONEY”] (SINGING) Bitch
better have my money. Y’all should know
me well enough. Bitch better have my money. Hi. I’m Sean Hayes. Hello, Sean Hayes. Hi. Is this the
accounting department? Part of it. I’m guest hosting
The Ellen Show. Somebody suggested I
speak to Ellen about this, but I just figured I would
just cut out the middle woman and just come directly to you. So how much money
can you give me? I’ll have to check
with the studio. I can sit and wait. Are they on speed dial? Because I– just so you know, I
saw a high school on The Ellen Show last week get
$20,000, so don’t tell me it’s not in there because I know
how you guys cook the books. Listen, I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you leave
your computer on, OK, and go to the bathroom, and
I’ll go ahead and maybe check some graphs and things out? We’re not allowed to. I don’t know how
much Ellen makes, but I assume it’s
a frickin’ lot. Could you just take a
little bit from her check and put it into my check? I don’t think I’m
allowed to do that. All right. So I’m just going to
give it to you straight. Ellen drives a Lamborghini,
and I drive a Hyundai Sonata. And I think we both know
that that’s not right. Just a little sidebar– I’m not even convinced
she’s a lesbian. She doesn’t even
like softball, OK? I once once caught her
staring at my butt. And she was– it wasn’t like
an, oh, that’s a nice butt. She was like, oh,
that’s a nice butt. And then she was
fanning herself. So I think it’s all smoke
and mirrors with her. All right. Just be honest. How much does Ellen make? Just tell me. Do you have that
on the computer? I don’t have that information. Can you just pull it up? I can’t. I kind of feel like
you’re lying, like you know how much she makes. No, I have no idea
how much she makes. I’m sorry. I don’t know. Well, if you can
double my salary, I’ll get you tickets to the
show, not when Ellen’s hosting, but when I’m hosting. Well, I want to thank
you for your time, and I’m sorry we couldn’t
reach an agreement. So would you mind
signing a waiver? If you could just sign
right there just so– it’s just a formality to get
you to appear on the show. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, sucker. $1 million. $1 million. You just signed me $1 million. Oh, my god, what a loser. Oh, my God. This is fantastic. Thanks. Good luck, chump. [APPLAUSE] Yeah. Yeah. Can you believe
I got $1 million? Yeah, the bad news is I
went to Pechanga last night and lost it all.

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