Escorts – SNL
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Escorts – SNL


>>DUDE, I’M SO NERVOUS.
>>WHY? THEY’RE ESCORTS.
WE’RE PAYING THEM TO LIKE US.>>OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, THEY’RE HERE. LET THEM IN.
>>YEAH.>>WELL, HELLO, WE’RE YOUR DATES
FROM ELEGANT EVENINGS.>>MAY WE COME IN?
>>WHY, YES, OF COURSE.>>EXECUTIVE SUITE.
IMPRESSIVE, YOU TWO MUST DO WELL FOR YOURSELF.
>>OR THEIR DADDIES DO.>>A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH, I
>>WELL –>>NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHAT’S YOUR NAME? DANIEL?
>>YEAH.>>I’M MELANIE.
DON’T FORGET TO BREATHE, SWEETIE.
>>SO THAT MAKES YOU TODD. I HOPE YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE.
>>OH, I LOVE WHAT I SEE. YOU’RE EVEN SEXIER THAN YOUR
PICTURE ON THE WEBSITE.>>YEAH, WE’VE NEVER DONE THIS
BEFORE. SO, LIKE, WHAT DO WE DO FIRST?
>>WELL, FIRST WE HAVE A LITTLE CHAT.
AS YOU KNOW, ELEGANT EVENINGS, PROVIDES HIGH CLASS LADIES SUCH
AS US AND THERE ARE RULES. SUCH AS KISSING.
I WILL KISS BUT ONLY WITH THIS AMOUNT OF TONGUE.
>>IS YOUR TONGUE OUT?>>I ALLOW KISSING WITH FULL
TONGUE, BUT ONLY ON THE CHEEK.>>ALL RIGHT, GOOD TO KNOW.
SO WHAT NOW?>>WE’RE NOT DONE.
CERTAIN LAUNDRY DETERGENTS CAUSE ME TO BREAK OUT INTO AN ITCHY
RAISED RASH. SO YOU WILL HAVE TO STRIP ALL
THE SHEETS OFF THE BED AND WE’LL ENJOY EACH OTHER’S COMPANY ON
THE BARE MATTRESS.>>JUST A BARE HOTEL MATTRESS?
ISN’T THAT A LITTLE GROSS?>>IT’S NOT NEARLY AS GROSS AS
THE RASH, DANIEL.>>AND TODD, WE NEED TO COME UP
WITH A SAFE WORD.>>OH, I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
I DON’T NEED A SAFE WORD.>>UH, YEAH, YOU DO.
I’M A POWERFUL WOMAN. UNDERSTAND?
I MEAN, STAND UP.>>OKAY.
>>JUST LOOK AT OUR SIZE DIFFERENCE.
I’M GONNA RAG DOLL YOU, MAN. IT’S GONNA BE LIKE A SNEAKER IN
A DRYER. KAD ONK, KAD ONK, KAD ONK.
>>OKAY, YEAH, LET’S PICK A SAFE WORD.
>>GOOD. OUR SAFE WORD IS, I’M SCARED,
PLEASE STOP.>>OKAY.
QUESTION. WHAT IF I WANT TO ROLE PLAY?
>>THAT’S FINE. BUT I CAN ONLY ROLE PLAY
STEWIE FROM THE “FAMILY GUY.”>>STEWIE FROM “FAMILY GUY” IS
MY ONLY OPTION?>>YES, IT’S THE ONLY VOICE I
CAN DO, BUT I’M REALLY GOOD AT IT.
HELLO, BRIAN, LOOK AT ALL THESE IMBECILES.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU WANT SOME STEWIE TONIGHT?
>>YEAH, LET’S PLAY IT BY EAR.>>AND, DANIEL, IF YOU WANT TO
ROLE PLAY, I ONLY DO PATTY PENDERGAST.
>>OH, I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS.>>OH, SHE’S AN ORIGINAL
CHARACTER. SHE’S A SLUMSY MAID AND SHE HAS
A CATCH-PHRASE. OOPSIE DOOPSIE, I MUFFED IT UP
AGAIN.>>THAT’S REALLY CREATIVE.
>>TODD, I NEED TO SEPARATE BUSINESS FROM PERSONAL.
SO TONIGHT, I WILL BE WEARING THESE LINDSAY VAUGHN OAKLEY
ALPINES.>>YOU’RE GONNA BE WEARING THOSE
THE ENTIRE TIME?>>YES, SIR.
WHEN THE CLOTHES COME OFF, THESE GO ON.
>>AND DANIEL, I HAVE A VITAMIN D DEPLETION DISORDER.
I REQUIRE AN EXTREME AMOUNT OF MILK ON A DAILY BASIS.
AND WHILE WE’RE BEING INTIMATE, I WILL TAKE SEVERAL SUDDEN MILK
BREAKS. AND, I’M TELLING YOU THIS NOW SO
THAT YOU’RE NOT SCARED BECAUSE I WILL SCREAM SOMETHING LIKE, GET
OFF ME, YOU DOUCHE, I NEED MILK! AND I WILL CONSUME MILK
FRANTICALLY.>>THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP.
>>YEAH. DO YOU LADIES MIND IF WE JUST
TALK FOR A SECOND?>>YEAH.
>>NOT AT ALL.>>EXCELLENT, THANK YOU.
>>DUDE, I WISH SOME OF THIS STUFF SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE
WEBSITE.>>YEAH, FOR $5,000 EACH, I WISH
IT HAD SAID, ONLY ROLE PLAYS AT STEWIE, AND IT’S KIND OF BAD AT
THE VOICE.>>.
>>YEAH, OR WILL STOP SEX TO CHUG MILK.
>>YEAH.>>HOUSEKEEPING.
PATTY PENDERGAST AT YOUR SERVICE.
>>THAT IS SO NOT A TURN ON.>>OOPSIE DOOPSIE, I MUFFED IT
UP AGAIN.>>BRIAN, DO YOU WANT STEWIE TO
PUT THIS ON NOW OR LATER?>>WELL, IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD
STORY.>>YEAH.
>>ALL RIGHT, LET’S LOSE OUR VIRGINITIES.

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