Dry Fridays – SNL
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Dry Fridays – SNL


>>ALL RIGHT.
WHAT’S UP EVERYONE. SNAKE A SEAT IF YOU CAN.
I’M HUNTER. CLASS OF ’19, AND WELCOME TO
UCONN DRY FRIDAYS. I KNOW YOU’RE ALL HERE BECAUSE
YOU WERE CAUGHT DRINKING IN THE DORMS BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE
CAN’T HAVE SOME FUN. DANA’S GOT SOME ‘ZA FOR US.
>>AND CHEESY BREAD! WHAT WHAT?
>>NICE! SO IF IT’S YOUR FIRST TIME AT
DRY FRIDAYS GO AHEAD AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF AND TELL US
WHY YOU’RE HERE.>>OKAY.
I CAN GO. I’M JENNA AND I GOT CAUGHT
DRINKING A BEER IN MY SUITE. IT JUST SUCKS BECAUSE ‘TWAS THE
NIGHT BEFORE MY 21st BIRTHDAY.>>YEAH, ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY
ON CAMPUS. WHAT’S UP, MAN?
>>HEY, I’M KENNY AND I WAS POURING VODKA INTO A WATER
BOTTLE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN MY R.A. WALKED IN.
>>OH, BUSTED. HI, THERE.
>>HEY. I’M COURTNEY.
CLASSIC COLLEGE STORY. I DRANK 40 BEERS, GOT NAKED,
GRABBED A CHAINSAW, AND WENT BEHIND NORTH QUAD, AND CUT DOWN
35 PINE TREES. [ LAUGHTER ]
I’VE DONE IT, YOU’VE DONE IT, BUT OF COURSE THIS TIME I GET
CAUGHT, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YEAH, I MEAN, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
BUT THAT’S A GOOD SEGUE. BECAUSE EVERYONE’S DONE OR KNOWS
SOMEONE WHO’S DONE SOMETHING STUPID WHILE DRUNK.
RIGHT, DANA?>>THANKS, HUNT.
YES. FRESHMAN YEAR I HAD A FEW TOO
MANY AND MOONED A COP.>>OH, MY FRIEND R.J. FELL AND
KNOCKED OUT THREE OF HIS BOTTOM TEETH.
>>OH, AND LAST WEEKEND I DID A 10-MINUTE SOLO KEG STAND AND GOT
SO FADED. I WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING I’M
LIKE LIKE, WHEN DID I GET A NO-HAWK?
>>A NO-HAWK?>>IT’S HIKE AN OPPOSITE MOHAWK.
>>UH, OKAY. YEAH.
SEE, SOMETIMES IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT, RIGHT?
>>YEAH, DUDE, TOTALLY. ANYONE EVER GET WASTED AND TEXT
AN EX?>>YES!
>>OR EVER ORDER FOOD AND THEN PASS OUT BEFORE IT’S DELIVERED?
THAT WAS MY MOVE FRESHMAN YEAR.>>YEAH, BUT DID YOU EVER BLACK
OUT AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU HAVE A DOG-TRACKING CHIP IN YOUR
NECK AND YOU’RE LIKE, WHAT IS THAT?
>>NO.>>YEAH, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE’S
GOT A STORY. COURTNEY, GO AHEAD AND POP THAT
BEANIE BACK ON IF YOU WANT. [ LAUGHTER ]
I’LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU GUYS. MY FRESHMAN YEAR, DANA KNOWS
ABOUT THIS, I PASSED OUT IN THE HALL OUTSIDE MY DORM ROOM.
>>AND I CAN BEAT THAT. SPRING WEEKEND I PASSED OUT IN
THE TACO BELL BATHROOM.>>OH, MAN, I CAN’T TOP THAT.
BUT ONE TIME I PASSED OUT ON MR. SHINTO’S ISLAND AND TOTALLY
MISSED THE SUBMARINE BACK TO THE MAINLAND.
MR. SHINTO WAS SO MAD AT ME. YEAH.
>>ALL RIGHT. YEAH.
UH, NOT REALLY SURE WHO MR. SHINTO IS OR WHAT THAT STORY WAS
ABOUT, BUT ALL RIGHT.>>YEAH, AND LIKE IF YOU’RE
COLD, FEEL FREE TO GO AHEAD AND POP THAT BEANIE BACK ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE POINT IS DRINKING CAN LEAD
TO BAD CHOICES. LIKE, WHEN I WAS DRUNK AND GOT A
TRAMP STAMP.>>IT’S A MERMAID.
>>THANKS, HUNT!>>I GOT YOU BEAT.
YOU KNOW THOSE INDIGENOUS TRIBES THAT PUT, LIKE DISCS IN THEIR
LIPS LIKE THIS? I GOT THAT BUT I GOT IT —
>>OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, COURTNEY.
WE’LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. OKAY?
I THINK THEY’VE ALL SEEN THE HAIRCUT BY NOW SO FEEL FREE TO
POP THAT BEANIE BACK ON.>>GUYS, WE’RE NOT HERE TO
LECTURE YOU OR TELL YOU NOT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
BUT THE FACT IS THAT HEAVY DRINKING DOES SOME REAL NASTY
STUFF TO YOUR BODY.>>YEAH, LIKE IF I GO HARD ONE
WEEKEND, I GET LIKE HEARTBURN FOR A WEEK AND I’M JUST LIKE
TIRED OF THAT.>>YEAH, I’M LIKE LEGIT WORRIED
ABOUT MY BODY. A MONTH AGO I GOT BLITZED BY
MYSELF AND I GUESS I ATE EGGS OR SOMETHING.
THE NEXT MORNING, SORRY IF THIS IS KIND OF NASTY.
GUY TO THE BATHROOM AND AN EGG JUST — IT’S — IT COMES OUT AND
IT’S STILL IN ITS SHELL. MY BODY IS SO JACKED I CAN’T
DIGEST AN EGG? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>RIGHT. I MEAN —
I DON’T KNOW IF ALCOHOL DOES THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] MAYBE YOU DIDN’T NECESSARILY EAT
THE EGG? IF THAT MAKES SENSE?
MAYBE YOU –>>OH MY GOD, THAT DOES MAKE SO
MUCH MORE SENSE. BECAUSE I HATE EGGS.
I WOULD NEVER EAT ONE.>>BUT YOU WOULD PUT ONE —
>>OKAY, HEY, WE DON’T NEED TO SAY IT.
I THINK PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO GET OUR ZA?
>>I’M SORRY, I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT — THAT EGG.
HOW DID IT NOT CRACK? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>I WANT TO HEAR SO MUCH MORE ABOUT MR. SHINTO.
>>YEAH, DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF THAT DISK THING?
>>YEAH, I’M SURE WE ALL WANT COURTNEY TO ANSWER SOME
QUESTIONS AND MAYBE PUT THAT BEANIE BACK ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] LET’S WAIT TILL AFTER THE
MEETING.>>YEAH, I MEAN, AFTER PARTY, MY
PLACE, I GOT KEG SHOTS, WHATEVER.
MY ROOMMATE IS REALLY COOL BUT ALL OF HIS WIVES ARE SO
ANNOYING. IT’S CRAZY.
>>WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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